Barnes and Noble

I went there. I sat in their big comfy couch chair thing. I grabbed a stack of books that I know I wouldn't even get to thumb through. Keller, Jon-George, Samuelson and generic books. I look through for inspiration, ideas, twists. I spent most of time looking at some soup book. I have been on a soup frenzy lately.
Soup du jour.MMMMMMMM....that sounds good, I'll have that.
I've been making....Yukon Chowda with Smoked Mackeral.

Reflect.

Hurricane Wilma passed through. Nothing. We were pretty slow this week. Today was a hard 250 covers. I was inside Expo (inside expediter) we have an inside, who sauces and garnishes all plates them puts them in the pass or window where the outside expo usually the Chef or me orchestrates where they go and makes sure the servers don't steal them or pick and choose like they are picking flowers in a meadow. Yeah, pretty hard 250. My inside grill guy was moving in a granny gear like he was towing a boat uphill. There was no communication between stations.(I HATE WHEN PLATES DO NOT ARRIVE AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!) TIMING AND COMMUNICATION PEOPLE!!! The grill's printer fucked up for a while (SAVE ALL TICKETS!!!) I ran out of paper right after his machine went out. The paper that was put in was wound backwards so the yellow side was out....no dupes. Changed that, ticket times were OUTFUCKINRAGEOUS! BAD NIGHT. Plates coming at you, "how long on 42?", "Chef how long on apps for 18?","I need a side of Parmesan cheese", "Why did I ask for Parm, I meant a side of remoulade sauce", "How long on 42?", "Chef are these my apps for 18?", "Is that what the ticket with the number 18 on it says?" (OPEN KITCHEN....can't scream nearest table 5 feet away) want to vent. "Why am I getting tables 33,61 and 70 but no 42?" "why didn't you tell me you don't have a 42?", I need 42 on the FLY!!!", "Only 7pm?????? and 3 hours more?", "Chef, I need this brought up a temperature.", "Ticket says med-rare...That's med-rare.", "they wanted to see if they wanted it med-rare first." ???????, "Chef re-fire on 20.", whispering loudly....WHERE IS FUCKIN' TABLE FOURTY TWO???????? "In my hand chef."
I am able to leave the line around 10:09pm. Chef starts having me send certain cooks to the office for an ass-reaming session. I get mine as well for not headbutting the cooks and getting them to shift gears. We write our Friday Seafood Menu, do the order, get the numbers from FOH, input said numbers. Remember that we have not eaten a meal since the day before. Then Chef tells me after a 14hr day.... chef, I need you this weekend so take Thursday off. I am not going to refuse a day off, especially when I am so busy that I forget to send out my bills and my cell gets shut off. Worse, my lady's cell is my account, hers is off also. She works a shit load of hours too. She is in FOH (front of house) as Catering Manager at the arena where the Orlando Magic play (they suck). I don't like her working 18hour days and she doesn't like it when I work 18 hours days too.
Nature of the Beast. I chose it,it didn't choose me.
I like my Chef. He pushes me creatively to think way outside the box. We still have to remember our clientele. Tampa locals aren't really ready to eat what we want them to eat. We do come up with some twisted shit. I like syrups, oils and infusions. I also like sleep. 4:25a...........g'night. morning whateva

Things we do in the kitchen that nobody else would understand.

Now do not get this twisted! I have no problems against homosexuals. Their business is their business.
In the kitchen, something brings out our feminine side, maybe its the nurturing we are doing by cooking food for others. I do not know. I think it is hilarious though. When my Puerto Rican pantry guy is dry humping my Filipino inside grill guy over a prep table across some sweet potato peelings because he didn't have rose petals.(picture will come soon) Or when same guy is thrusting his crotch into my same grill guy's face as he sits down in our closet like office. Or when somebody reaches into the lowboy cooler by squatting down....And we throw our apron over their head and push on the back of their heads with an expression of pleasure across our face. Then there are the times when someone goes into the walk-in and we bum-rush him with the lights off and lightly beat the shit out of him then try to rape him. Sometimes it almost goes to far, when the victim is screaming...His pants and boxers are coming off! How about when there is a squeeze bottle of remoulade and someone simulates their are jacking off and blowing their "load" all over the cutting board? I think I am getting bored of the squash/zucchini/cucumber/carrot or other fallic vegetable being used as their cock or placed/rubbed/rammed in someone else's ass/neck/hand/face.
When a girl enters our kitchen the gay games cease at an instant. They do not want to be perceived as gay and ruin their chances with this girl.
I know we are busy as all hell but yet we FIND the time to play jokes and dry hump each other. You got to love this business!!
Now, we don't care if you do take it in the ass or suck cock. Your sexual preference is no matter to us, we spend too much time together everyday as a "family" to pass judgement. We will pass judgement if you are not set up on time and get in the weeds during service. If you can't cook to the level we need...you will be 86'd.
Yes, there are women in our kitchen and some of them we do not mess with, the others give as good as we do. We respect the ones that do not play around with us and that does not make them less of "family" to us.
If you DO take it personally then you really have no business in the kitchen.

Chef in the Kitchen

In this business everybody is in your biznass. You have to go to the walk-in or the freezer to have a private conversation, or to blow-off steam: to vent. Maybe to get a quick tidbit to munch on.
Cooks do not see things the way a chef sees things. When I look at the slicer, I look as if the health inspector were looking at it or worse...my Executive Chef. I look at the shelf where the spices are kept and see that they are not wiped and the shelf is not wiped down. A cook looks at it....they are all in a row, what's the big deal. The slicer looks clean from this ANGLE. I look at their station after closing, and see that they missed a spot wiping or heaven forbid that there are items not wrapped,labeled and dated!!!! I need the dry storage area looking spotless!! The cans and boxes better look like it was a super market!!!
Don't let me start on the fish!!! There had better be a perforated pan, a 200 perf pan in a 400 pan,preferably...not a 200 perf in a 200 pan!!!! ICE! ICE! BABY!
The next day when I tell someone to ice the fish down, they had better not pour out the nasty fish water and re-ice. I want fresh pans!!!!! I even put a sweet and low packet in the bottom of the pans. So, when they ice down..I can check to see if it is a new pan. I swear....There better not be a packet in there when I check!!!!
I tend to lean on a couple of my cooks more than the others. These guys WANT to be in the business and become chefs later. The other guys...Well lets just say that they take up space and cook.
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Some More Pics

PICS

Here is some pics of me or my son and some boxers/trainers.

A chef's aches and pains

Sometimes after whisking for a while my shoulder hurts. My hands start to hurt. That could be the carpal tunnel syndrome.
My feet hurt. My feet hurt alot. Standing for up to 16 hours tends to do that. Might not be so bad if we had mats. BUT NO!!!! My Exec Chef thinks they are a trip hazzard??????? Well, what if someone had to go on workers comp because of all the standing and damage that is doing to their feet, ankles, legs and back?
If by some chance I do get to sit down and do some paperwork, I might not be able to walk right away when I get up. I must say that my Dansko clogs are pretty comfortable. Once I arrived home and could not get out of my truck because my legs cramped up. In the morning I have all the grace of a 9 month old baby taking her first steps.
My hands.....scarred, burns, minor little cuts, humps of scar tissue. Food and pepper under my nails. Pretty cool. I will never be a hand model. My forearms have hair this week, but they are scarred and have burns that have healed into pretty neat patterns. When you see them, they let other people in our business know that I do not sit in the office and be some paper chef. (paper chef= derrogatory term to a chef) I gets down, turnin' and burnin'!!!!
Another "pain" is wearing a stinkin' chefs hat. the paper toque. I can not stand these. My masters think that these are cost effective.??? I go through three a shift. I would prefer not to wear one. If I had to choose baseball hats or skull caps. Not the puffy or pooofy chef hats, those are fuckin' ridiculous.
DON'T FORGET TO CHECK MY OTHER POSTS DOWN BELOW. PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS, I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

Kitchen Pranks part deux

I told the new kid, go in the basement and get me a can of something. You see, we do not have a basement. It was funny as hell watching him walk around looking for an entrance.
Heres one we do on the line: Take a piece of rolled up paper towel, light it on fire and throw it at someones feet....during service. Now you can see that they CAN move faster.
Drain the water out of the coffee machine. I love that one.
Freezing someones clothes.
I take a third pan fill it with water and freeze someones knives in it,handles out of the water. After freezing fill it up with water, now it appears the knives are in a third pan of water. When that person picks up their handle the whole pan goes with it.
Coating the handle of a knife with chocolate sauce. Helps if the knife is a black handled one.

Want to be a Chef?????

This will be ONE piece of the puzzle I will lay out, and many more to come.

So, you've made up your mind and think you would be happier leaving an office job for the life in a kitchen? Maybe you were watching Food Network and said to yourself, how hard is that to make one dish in a half hour? I could do that!!!!
You will start out at the bottom. LOW pay and treated like a bitch by everybody higher up than you. You will take it and you will like it. You will answer to the chef with a "YES CHEF". I need shallots cut, "YES CHEF". I need mushrooms cut.....a large lexan. "YES CHEF". Clean the shelves and dry storage,"YES CHEF". Other cooks will make you do things also....and you will. Don't expect a break and please don't be like the guy we hired a few days ago, he asked when is dinner? I said look out in the dining room...its dinner NOW!!! If he wants to eat, then he can eat before work or after. If I am in a good mood I might let him make a snack and eat it in the back, but really quick.
Oh you went to culinary school????? That's different. Then I expect you to know to answer me with "YES CHEF". I should explain how I want the julienne veg cut. Don't get it twisted, I know your school told you that you are all chefs now, YOUR NOT!!!
You must pay your dues.(I hated that phrase coming up) I did not have to be in the business for 15 years before I got my first sous chef job. If that was the case then you are doing something wrong. You do have to put some work in, you must want to excel, you should come in early, by a couple of hours...for free..before your shift.
You should be thinking ahead, what can I prep today that will save me time for tomorrow?
You will put in long hours once you are a chef. I put in a min. of 12hours a day to a max of 16 hours. That is on my feet with no "lunch break". You will eat whatever morsel of food you find. Heel of a bread? Where is the butter? Don't get grossed out.... They sent their lamb back because it was overcooked? Sure we will fire a new one..let us eat this one first.
Stay tuned for the next episode. I will discuss the stress of service and the aches and pains we feel.

Corrales and Castillo AGAIN!!

********* RESULTS************
Castillo had some problems making wieght, which is very unprofessional. The limit was 135, he weighed at 137. He was given time and came back heavier! They fined him $120,000 and set the weight limit at 147 and took the belts off the table.
Now, Corrales made weight, but agreed to the heavier weght. When the bell rang they continued where they left off, banging away on the inside.
I felt Chico should used his height and reach, but he felt otherwise. Chico looked real quick, but Castillo was real strong and KO'd Chico in the fourth round.
This win is tranished for Castillo. Him not having to make weight did not deplete his body as it did for Chico. It was very unprofessional for a pro at this level.
They are talking about a rematch, lets hope they wait and recover properly and make weight.

KITCHEN PRANKS

We as chefs play kitchen pranks on each other. Sometimes, to pass the time when we get bored or have a little down time(never). We sometimes do pranks just to haze the new guy or the low guys on the totem pole.
The FNG (Fuckin' New Guy)will be asked to do various things, such as: go in the basement to retrieve some items......we don't have a basement. They will look for the door that leads to this "basement" for awhile, scared to come back and ask where the basement door is. We will keep asking for the said item, raising his or her stress level.
I have asked a female in the kitchen who thought she was somewhat of a knowitall to go to the pastry shop and get me 3oz, not 4oz but, 3oz of clear food coloring.
I will send a guy to another kitchen and asked if they borrowed our bacon stretcher because the vendor sent us bacon that was too small.
When we get some culinary student who is really GREEN, we will ask him to fetch a 5lb. bag of steam.
I personally like torment cooks by fucking with their personal beverage. I do the soy sauce in the coke. White vinegar in the bottle water. Rub habanero pepper around the rim of their bottled water or soda. Sriracha (very hot and spicy Asian chili sauce)(I use that on every thing I eat) squeezed into their straw, so their big slurp is met with a surprise. I have been know to melt the bottom of their straw together, so their is no suction.
Then, there is the mayo creme brulee. Take mayo and add and egg yolk to it and mix well untill it resemble custard. Take your creme brulee ramekin and and the mixture to it and sprinkle sugar over it evenly and torch it. It looks and has the texture of the real thing just no the taste. I usually leave it on the counter with a spoon next to it and somebody will eat it.
Try this one. You need horseradish. Squeeze all the liquid out of it and form into a ball and roll in panko bread crumbs and fry til golden. put those on a plate and give to the wait staff and tell them to try the amuse buche. HILARIOUS.

OK Now for the results.

As I predicted, Tarver wins by decision. Congrats to the Magic Man. Jones still has speed but not as fast as he used to be, but very quick still. Roy was a little gun shy and seemed to be ok with one or two shots at a time. Tarver felt that Roy being fast and crafty might be playing possum at times. Tarver had him hurt in the 11th and a stoppage might have happened if Traver didn't run out of gas.
OK OK OK...KID DIAMOND lost in an upset to Nate Campbell via 10th rnd TKO. MAN, I was upset. Nate was faster and landing a higher percent. What happened to Almazbek that fought to a draw with Joel Cassamayor (I personally thought Diamond won that fight)?
Another showcase for WARD.
Byrd vs Williamson.....YAWN. BORING. 12 round of torture. Byrd wins.
James "Lights Out" Toney vs Dominic "Southern Disaster" Guinn. Toney wins a lopsided and entertaining fight. He fought very well inside and out. Toney is one person I would not get in the ring with. He fight because he likes to. He threw a lot of combos. Guinn, the once promising prospect, needs to reinvent himself or get a job.

FIGHT PREDICTIONS

Now that I live in Florida, boxing comes here. Too bad I can't attend the fight due to work,again. Ahhhh, the life of a chef. Well I just finished a 13hour day and I have to be back in about 7 hours.
Jones VS. Tarver- I like Tarver again on this fight. Jones is coming back from TWO devastating KO losses! Tarver by decision but don't be surprised if something happens, like Jones doing the KO to Tarver.
Kid Diamond VS. Nate Campbell- I like Kid Diamond. Ko win. Not because I am a friend of Almazbek, Kid Diamond's real name. He's got power and boxing skills to. Future world champ. You read it here first.
Also, Andre Ward will be fighting. Ward will win by KO. Just a showcase to develop his skills.
In other fights....Reno, Nevada. James "Lights Out" Toney VS. Dominic "Southern Disaster" Guinn. Toney by decision. Just has way too much skill and experience. Guinn has been on self destruct and hopefully he has gotten some focus.
Chris Byrd VS. DaVaaryl Williamson. I am going with Byrd. He is hard to hit, not like he was years ago. Byrd by decision. Should be an interesting fight.